Hang on St. Christopher

Some things I learned during my epic Motor City Madness Weekend:

• If one is truly motivated and a little lucky, it is possible to drive the 282 miles from Butler, PA to Detroit, MI in 4.5 hours.
• The final mile of exiting the highway onto downtown Detroit streets will take another half hour.
• A little luck won’t help you find parking in downtown Detroit on the night of a Detroit Lions exhibition football game. For that, you have to be a lot lucky.
• I am a lot lucky.
• If you have an extra ticket to the show, you will have not the slightest bit of trouble selling it. At least one person will be waiting near the door with a wad of cash, and he will be ecstatic to buy a seat from you.
• The Detroit Opera House is a gorgeous place.
• An opera house full of Tom Waits fans is a noisy, noisy place.
• During this tour, Mr. Waits is performing mostly songs from his newish album, Real Gone. But he may not play all the songs in a given performance, and he will mix it up with some older songs.
• During every performance, when they bring out the piano, there will be red roses on it. Every performance, he will say the same thing: “You know the only thing that’s better than roses on your piano? Tulips on your organ.” Then after the laughter dies down, he will say, “I can’t believe I said that.” Even if you hear this more than once, you will laugh every time.
• “Going Out West” is a terrific, terrific song when played in a slinky, bluesy style.
• The concert will last two hours. There will be encores. The crowd will be insane, and you will be insane, and it will be wonderful.
• If your choice for seeing Tom Waits is between a 4,000-seat venue and a night club with capacity of 1250, choose the night club.
• But really, either one will be great.